When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
