too bad you live with your parents still
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
