i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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