so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
