Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
