Small penises have feelings too.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
