I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
