last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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