There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
