I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
