Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
