boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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