Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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