return my video game
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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