I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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