its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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