Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
