PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
