My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
