Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
