Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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