He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
