Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
