You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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