She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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