This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
