didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
