Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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