I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
