oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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