yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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