it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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