How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
