Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
