People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he fucked my hip out of place.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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