He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
