didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
