He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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