Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I met the friendliest cop last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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