I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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