I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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