Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
