My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
