I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
