I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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