I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
