We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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