So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
