and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
