Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
