Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
