What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
