My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
