I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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