Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
