Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
