i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
