break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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