tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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