A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
